I'M AWESOME

:D

I have managed to fill my entire computer memory in 2 years...
Effffffffffffff
Hahaha


Also...
HAPPY LAST DAY OF 2011!

I am surpisingly excited for 2012.
Maybe because the change has already begun...


So yesterday...
Someone asked me what the name of the guy I use to date was...
Without even thinking the first thing I said was douche bag..
Hahaha I guess you could say he is soooo last year :P

Can't wait to get things in full swing!
I also can't stop thinking about someone.
It's weird...
But good...
I think...
:)

Enjoy your last day of 2011.
I know I am :)
The beach never gets old :)



***EDIT***

See....
AWESOME!! :)

MEXICOOOOOOOOOOO

BE JEALOUS BITCHESSSSSSSS :p

Haha it is soooooooooo beautiful here!!
And peaceful.
There is something about the beach that always calms me :)

Although I miss a certain someone.
And really wish they were here.
One day :)

Oh and ya I have internet :P
Haha its a long story...
I guess the rats were eating the cable when the box for the internet was at the guard house.
So they put it on one of the houses out here.
There are only 3 of them...
And the house I'm in doesn't have it connected.
So I am 3 houses down.
Sitting on their patio.
Looking at the ocean.
It is super calm.
:)

Love it :)
Have a great weekend!!

Well....

2 hours later and someone is finally here to fix the garage door.

Now to wait some more...

Hopefully it will be fixed in the next hour.

And then we can get on our way :)

This is the last post now.

For real.

Have a fabulous weekend.

Ring in the new year right :)

And party hard my friends, party hard!

P.S.

Boy...

I will miss our 10 digits greatly.

Can't wait to get back.

Cause then this boy gets back the next day.

And I get to pick him up from the airport :)

And I think I might kidnap him.

And then take him to lunch.

And back to my house...

Oh damn that sounded bad haha.

;)

This boy...

Completely corrupted my mind...

Like mind fucked me hard core...

Haha.

That is why he is my best friend

:)

I'll miss him greatly.

Shit I miss him as it is...

Just a few more days until we are reunited...

And then PARTYYYY!!!

:)

Chicken Shit

I am packed and ready to get the hell out of here!

But no...
Garage door broke this morning.
The cable snapped.
Now what?
Fuckkkk.

My truck?
That doesn't sound fun.
Grr.
Just once I wanted it to be a smooth morning.
It never seems to happen with me.

Well here's to a fabulous end of 2011...

!@#$%^&*

GOD DAMN MICE!!

So I was suppose to have internet while on this lovely vacation.
It was going to keep me from going crazy.
And so I could talk to this boy.

But no.
Stupid mice chewed the cord for it.
So now no internet for the next few days.

No new posts until 2012.

I am trying to look at it as a good thing.
It will be a good 4 days of me time.
That is how I will look at it.
Me time.
Time for me.
Time for me to relax.
Time for me to breath.
Time for me to think.
Get away from reality.
It will be good for me.
Why?
Because I say so.
Happy thoughts.

Maybe it is what I really need.
Maybe it is fate...
Guess I'll have to wait and see.

Until then...
Party hard y'all :)

Insanity

The few days week has been crazy.
Just absolutely crazy.
I have hardly slept.
It has resulted in death.
It sucks.
I just want to feel better.
Be full of energy again.
Poo.

Thank god I am getting out of this hell hole tomorrow for a few days.
There is something about Phoenix that just sucks the life out of you.
It blows.

Unfortunately...
I still need to clean my hell of a room.
And pack.

So much to do...
So little time...
Guess sleep is just a minor detail.

I am glad I am going to be getting away for a little.
I need space.
And time.
So much has happened in the past 3 months.
I am still trying to grasp it all.
I know it is all for the best.
But it is hard.
And I need to be able to move on from it all.
And it's a lot harder than I thought it was.
And this boy...
Oh this boy...
Damn him.
I don't know what to do about him.
I don't think I am ready yet.
I don't think I am strong enough yet.
I don't think 3 and a half months is enough time.
Well I know its not.
I still think about him.
I don't want to think about him.
I can't think about him.
He has moved on.
And I guess I should too.
And I am.
It's just hard.
To move on...
To just let go someone who had such an impact on your life.
Good and bad.
It's hard.
I lost all my trust for guys.
All my love.
My heart.
I don't know how to give that to someone else.
Let myself fall again.
I am too scared.
I am scared to be hurt again.
I know it will happen.
It always happens.
But I am not strong enough yet...
When I can stop doing this to myself is when I think I will be strong enough.
I have realized why I've had so many fuzzy nights lately.
It isn't good.
It needs to stop.
And it will.
January 1st.
Be prepared.
There will be a lot of change.
Good and only good change.
I am thinking of doing Weight Watchers.
I want to lose some weight.
I need to lose some weight.
I want to rub it in his face.
No, I need to do it for myself.
And only for myself.
One day I will be able to look in a mirror...
And tell myself I am actually beautiful.
I will believe people when they say it.
I won't have problems finding clothes to fit.
I will feel sexy in a swimsuit all the time.
There is going to be a lot of change.
It scares me.
There are times I don't think I will be able to do it.
But then I remember why...
Why I need to do it.
Not just a want, but a need.
It will happen.
Whether I am supported or not.
I am going to look damn sexy for spring break.
And I will feel damn sexy too!
This will happen..
So get ready.

But for now...
I need to go pack!
One obstacle at a time :)

Life

"Life is not the way it's suppose to be. It's the way it is. The way we cope with it is what makes the difference"

I was sent this quote in an email today.
It is so true.
Creepy.

But anyways.............
Sorry I've been so MIA recently.
Shit got crazy with the holidays.
Anddddd I got deathly ill.
Okay so I got a little head cold..
But it still wiped me out.
I guess all that partying at poly finally caught up to me!
Haha soooooo worth it :)

Wow the last time I posted was Thursday...
That was 3 days ago.
That is a long time...
Shittttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttt :P

But I'm back.
For now.
Until Thursday.
When I leave.
For a mini vacation :)
Can't wait!!


I hope your holidays have been as amazing as mine!
I got spoiled by santa this year :)
I'd list it all, but then I'd sound like a spoiled bitch.
Which I ain't!

Howeverrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
I did get a TOTALLY AWESOME AND INCREDIBLE NEW TRIPOD!!!!
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
Sooooooo excited.
It makes me happy :)
It's pretty bad ass...
Just sayin'.
Be jealous haha.


Well I think it's bed time.
The few hours I got last night was NOT enough.
Probably the only reason I got up on time today was because of this boy.
He is pretty awesome.
He called me at 6 am his time just to make sure I was up :)
Can you say AMAZINGGGGGGG :)
Great start to my day!
And I am just waiting for another 10 digits before I go to sleep!
:)

Merry Christmas Y'all!!
:)

Sad Day

:'(

This morning I took this boy to the airport to go home.
It was sad.
I don't know what to do with myself now...
This means I am going to be stuck at home for the next 11 days.
Sad fucking day.

Good thing we have phones.
And texting.
And 10-digits :)
Love those.

Last night was fun.
It started off eh.
But it turned around thanks to some amazing friends :)
Ihop at 3 am :)
Haha such dirty things were said.
It was bad haha.

And I actually got like an hour of sleep while this boy finished packing and cleaning.
I love his bed...
It's really comfy :)
And his pillows, and blankets...
Almost stole them this morning haha.

And lucky me still didn't get to sleep when I got home.
My sister started throwing a bitch fit about her car.
So I then had to drive her downtown for something.
It sucked.
It was 8 am and I still hadn't really slept.
I almost fell asleep while driving...
It was that bad.
So I came home and passed out for 2 hours.
I wish I could have slept more.
I need to sleep more.
Hello going to bed early and sleeping alllllll day tomorrow.
Haha who am I kidding...
I haven't gone to bed "early" since I met this boy.
He is a bad influence.
Even when he is a state away I am sure he will still be a very bad influence.
Damn him!
:P

I need to go find my pants...
We are going to Native New Yorker for dinner.
My dad got a bunch of free meals for his birthday...
So this week is "eat out every other day cause we have free stuff"
I'm not complaining :)

I also need to find some magic cleaning stuff....

I may have dyed my hand red while crafting this afternoon.
I'm that good :P

:)




Random thought....

I got shot at last night with one of these...
In the head...
It hurt.
Thanks boy :P
Paybacks are a bitch! Haha






<3

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

Today is a much much much better day than yesterday!!

I mean I didn't sleep much.

But that doesn't mean it hasn't been a great day!

Yummy SmashBurger for lunch.

And it was free :)

And sooooooooooo good!!

Then I dropped my best friend off at work.

And went and saw my ex's mom...

Still not sure if it was the best idea...

I guess him and his slutty high school girl friend broke up.

Well according to his mom.

I'll believe it when I see it for myself.

It appears they still are.

But who knows.

It was really nice seeing her again.

And her youngest two.

They are adorable.

But it really got me thinking about him again...

Not really my cup of tea...

It now has me all confused...

I know its over.

I am okay with it being over.

But you lose confidence when you lose someone like that.

It is hard to gain that back.

It is hard to let yourself fall for someone else.

And for that I am sorry.

I am so dearly sorry.

I can't ...

Damn it...

So fucking confused scared...

I don't know how to let go.

How to let myself begin to fall for someone.

How to let someone else in.

How to go back to that place...

It is scary...

I wish there was a guide to this.

But there isn't...

It sucks.

Very much so.

ugh.

:'(

I am so sorry.

Maybe in another month I can do this.

Maybe then I can let you in.

Let myself fall for you.

But not now.

It makes me depressed...

I feel horrible.

I hate myself right now.
I hate how confused I am.

How scared I am.

How I don't know what way is up.

How I still, after 3 months, can't completely let go of the past.

I hate it.

I am very glad I am not alone tonight.

I am scared.

I have too many thoughts going through my mind...

Too many.

It's bad.

As much as I hate myself tonight...

I am glad this boy is here.

I am glad I can curl up in his arms and feel safe and okay for a little.

I am glad I think I have finally found the courage to tell someone about my past.

I never thought I would find the day.

It is reassuring.

One day, everything will be okay.

How Depressing...

My hermit crab died :'(
Sad day.
But I don't think it was my fault.
She has looked funny for awhile.
And my other one is still alive and fine.
So who knows.
But it's depressing.
I can't take care of hermit crabs.
Or even plants.
I fail.
:(

Also, I found dead maggots/flies in a bag in a drawer in my room...
I think I need to do some cleaning.
I am about to break down and clean my whole fucking room.
I am not okay with this.
I am tired.
And in a ton of pain.
And I need a hug.
:(

Ugh I hate how just 1 thing can set me off like this...
I guess being this exhausted doesn't help either...


Not going to dwell on this though.
I can't.
I won't let myself.
I will be strong.
So tv then sleep it is.

So today I was woken up at 8:30 by our lovely cleaners.

Normally this wouldn't bother me.

However I went to bed at 4 am....

That is barely 4 hours off sleep.

Fuckkkkkkkkkk.

I blame this boy.

He kept me at poly too long.

I was an hour late this morning haha.

But it was okay.

Do you know why?

Cause I am starting the day with this...

COFFEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

In my brand new coffee mug from this boy :)

The fact that he knew he was going to get it for me when he barely knew me...

That just says something :)

Can you say best friend!?

If you can't see it because you are blind...

Or you agree my flash fucked it up...

It has stuff like a lens and different sayin's.

He found it when I was working on those photos for school.

He is the best :)

This is the only reason why I am okay with only 4 hours of sleep...

New coffee mug.

And some yummy coffee :)

And I may or may not still be on a happy high from last night.

Hahahaha

:)

Time to go find food :P

Falling

It is the scariest, yet greatest feeling ever.

I may or may not be on a happy high right now.
Is that possible?

It is really amazing how just 1 compliment can make everything a million times better.

Boy...
Thank you :)

There are not enough words to describe how lucky I am to have met such a great person.
No where near enough...
To be left speechless multiple times in a few hours is really something.
It made me so happy, I cried haha.
I haven't had things like that said to me in a really long time.
I mean it's usually compliments to get in my pants..
But I feel that it is different this time.
Respect for not only me, but my parents.
That just says something...
It says a lot actually.

I could go on for hours about how I felt tonight.
But it is 4 am.
Fuckkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk.
It's 4 am...
Damn...
Haha so much for sleep :P

Eventually I will talk about it.
Maybe once I can grasp it all.
I am still a little thrown back by it all.
To go from nothing to this.
I am just speechless...
In a good way :)

Sweet dreams :)

Speechless... No a Mess

I actually had ca a really good title for this...
But then I forgot.
And got on Facebook.
And a wave of emotion hit me.

WORST FEELIN' EVER!


Like completely broke down over reading 1 status...
My ex's mom's status no less...

"Dear my ex, I love you and miss you. I really wish you would talk to me. My heart is breaking this holiday season. Your brother asks about you all the time and i dont know what to tell him. :-("

Like really.........................................

WHAT KIND OF IMMATURE ASSHOLE DOUCHE BAG HEARTLESS BASTARD DID I DATE!!!!
and still care about....
Fuck.


This all would be a lot easier if I didn't care.
If I was over him.
If I could just let go

Why can't 1 thing in my life be easy.
Not some complicated mess.
Just one thing.
One thing that doesn't completely screw me over.
Life everything else.
I just want a break for once.
A break from these feelings.
A break of being so worthless.
So unwanted.
So used.
Just one day.
Is that so much to ask?

What did I do to deserve to feel like this...
Is it cause I gave everything to him?
Cause I thought he was the one?
I thought everyone was human and made mistakes...
So why do I always get the short end of the stick....
Why do I never get a break.
Why can't I just get over him and see what is right in front of me...


I feel like I always fight everything in life.
Maybe it is because I feel I don't deserve happiness?
Or him,
Or anyone...

I just don't know...


I just walked away from this for 10 minutes.
That's how bad it is...
I don't know what to do at this point.
Other than cry.
And break down.
Help.

The hardest part of all of this is learning to fall again.
How can you let yourself fall for someone after that.
Putting yourself out there...
Vulnerable to everything.
Put your heart, no life on the line.
Everything worth living for.
How do you do that after that...
I'm just so lost...

And this is total opposite of what I posted not even 24 hours ago...
It's amazing what liquid courage can do.
In a bad way sometimes.

I'm not saying what happened tonight was bad.
It was far from bad in fact.
Very far.
But it left me speechless...
Like I don't think there are words for it.
I am so scared.

I said I would never fall for someone younger again.
Ever.
But I think it's happening...

I said I would never fall for someone without a vehicle again.
Ever.
But I think it's happening...

And I am totally lost.
I am lost.
That is all there is to it.

And I don't know if tonight helped, or not...
I feel like it did...
But at the same time, once I was alone, everything came back.
I just shouldn't be left alone...

On that topic...
FUCK MY HOUSE.
ugh.

I need to move out.
And get a job.
And pay for everything in my life.
The end.

And find my legs to stand on my own again, strong.
Better than ever.
Without him.
It will happen, in time.
One day.
That's all I can hope.
One day...

It's 5 O'Clock Somewhere!!

:)

Happy birthday to my daddy!!

It's been a great day :)

Went to bed smiling...
Woke up smiling!
Definitely woke up to a good text too :)

And now it's party timeeeeeee :P
And yummy food!
Mmmmm

Happy Sunday Y'all!!
:)

Crazy

I just have to say there is still hope...

Thank you boy for showing me why I shouldn't give up.
Showing me that not all guys are tools.
Showing me that I am pretty, even with no make up or shower.
Showing me that I am something special.
Showing me that people can still be trusted.
Showing me how to trust again.
Showing me how to let someone in again.
Showing me that I don't have to be alone, ever.
But most importantly...
Showing me how to live life again :)

The past 3 months have been the biggest roller coaster of my life.
And I know it is far from over.
But this past month, not even.
Few weeks.
Has made it all okay.

I have learned so much about myself.
And life in general.

The hardest part has been learning to fall again.
Fall and not be afraid of hitting the ground.
It is still scary.
But its getting better every day.
:)

So thank you boy for being my best friend :)

I am feeling a very long blog about more of this in the very near future.
For now though...
My computer is dying.
And I must sleep.
:)



P.S.
Happy birthday to the most amazing father ever!!

Eff...

Well being exhausted really sucks...
I was doing great.
All up until 20 minutes ago.
And then I crashed.
Literally.
My truck.
I hit the back of it into one of those shopping cart return thingys.
I mean nothing is really broken.
Which is a HUGE relief.
However, it scared the shit out of me.
And just made me feel like shit.
Total shit.

It doesn't help that I am going off of 30 minutes of sleep in 24 hours...

Worth it, absolutely.
Should do it again, probably not for awhile.

Yet here I am again at poly...
I couldn't stand being at home.
Especially alone.
On a Friday night.

And honestly...
I am sick of home already.
My mom is seriously driving me nuts.
She threw a bitch fit today about me staying over at poly so much.
It is "inappropriate"
REALLY?!
How old am I?
She doesn't give a fuck about what I do when I'm at school.
But once I am home...
All hell breaks loose.
It's like I have a fucking leash on me.
It's stupid.
And frustrating.
Not really relaxing.

Thus why I have escaped to ASU Poly once again.
I love these people with a passion.
They are why I am still here.
This week is why I keep coming here.
I have laughed so much.
It brings tears to my eyes.
It is going to suck when they all leave for Christmas.

Thank god I'll be gone between Christmas and New Years.
Keep me busy.
And away from going crazy at home.

I need it.
I need friends like these at NAU.
Friends that act like retards in Walmart at midnight.
Friends that let me be me.
Friends that keep me up all hours of the night with no regrets.
Friends that buy these taquitos...

Really?
"Relax for 1 minute, then conquer the craving!"
<3

Sleep...

Minor details...
Haha :P

Yep, it's 9:30 am and I have not slept yet!
Thank you boy!!!
:P

I had full intentions of sleeping last night.
I was all cozy on the sofa.
And then he woke me up and told me to go to bed.
And then he gave me a very lovely back massage.
And then I was awake haha.
Damn you for making me laugh.
And not want to sleep just because we are having soooo much fun!!

However...
IT WAS SOOOOOOOOOO WORTH IT!!
:)

I laughed so much.
It was great.
It was great to be able to be goofy.
And myself.
And totally stupid.
And silly.
And weird.
And dirty.
And did I say goofy?
Hahaha :)

It also helps that I was greatly sleep deprived so EVERYTHING was 10 times more hilarious haha.
It was epic! :)
Just a winning night :)

I feel like it is going to happen again tonight...
Uhoh...
Haha such a bad influence :P

Alright now I reallyyyyyyyyyy need to get stuff done.
Like wrapping my dad's birthday gifts haha.
And unpacking.
And maybeeeeee sleeping :P
Maybe...
:)

TGIF- Thank God I'm FABULOUS!!

The Things I do...

Shittttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttt
:)

Got some good sleep last night.
And then my arm got fucked at physical therapy.
It is sooooooooooo bruised!!
Gah :/

Butttttttt
Then I went and got my ass kicked at the YMCA.
Swimming for the first time in foreverrrrrrrrrr haha.

It's been a good day so far :)

And now my little is coming over :)

And then I think we are going to poly...
Boy needs a hug.
And I'm bored.
Haha :)

Love this life!

My Favorite Reason to Lose Sleep

:)

Oh lordy...
The past 24 hours :)

BEST TIME EVERRRRRRRR!
Okay well in a while haha.

First of all...
I'm homeeee :)
Give me another day and I'll be sick of my family haha.

Second of all....
I love all the amazing people at ASU Poly!!

Jumpstreet last night was hilarious.
Watching people eat shit on the trampoline never gets old :P
Then to Golfland for HUGE milkshakes.
Oh they brought the boys to the yard ;)
Then Filibertos...
We almost got kicked out haha.
And thennnnnnnn
Back to have even more fun :)

Oh how good of a night it was :)
Even though today I am very sore.
And exhausted :)
I laughed soooo much I was crying,
It was great!
I needed it soooo bad :)

Can't wait to do it again.
Like ASAP!
:)
<3

FML

Fuck.

That is all I have to describe today.
It has sucked greatly.

Pretty sure I failed my final this morning.
And now it just keeps snowing.
And snowing.
And snowing.
And snowing...

Suppose to be 12 inches by tomorrow.
Why...
Why does mother nature hate me.
All I want is to go home.
To see my puppies.
Feel their love.
And then see my poly friends.
They always can cheer me up.
And I could use some real hugs for once.

And my mom is being a fucking bitch.
She wants me to stay in this hell hole till Wednesday.
Even if the highway is open.
Fuck that.
I need to get out of here.
Or I will lose it.
The end.

Shots Shots Shots!!

OH BLOODY HELL!!
Last night...
Shitttttttttttttttttttttt.
Such a shit show.
It was epic.
The end!

Woke up at 1:30 this afternoon.
Felt fabulous.
Okay not really...
I was still exhausted.
But last night was soooo worth it.

Lesson learned...
Never let a guy make you a drink.
Period.
Unless you want to be a shit show.
Just sayin'.
Not like I was a shit show or anything.
I always keep it classy.
Hell ya!

Shittttttttttttttt
I even said no to something I really wanted.
Damn sexy man!!

Okay enough stupid ranting bullshit.
I don't need to sound trashy.
Cause God knows I ain't!
Hahaha

Today I made another 3 dozen cookies.
That makes it 12 dozen batches.
That's 24 fucking cookies!!
Oh damn!
I make bomb ass cookies :)

Now to go take an online quiz so I can get some decent sleep tonight.
Final 1 is tomorrow.
I will own economics.
(I hope)
I need to pass this class.
I guess only time will tell....
Wish me luck!

Oh Hot Damn...

Hahaha silly boy :P
Making me laugh when I don't want to.
Damn him.
But thank god for him.

The past 24 hours have been quite an adventure...
I got 4 hours of sleep last night.
How I am functioning this well today is amazing!

Eventually things will get better.
I am going to be strong tonight I decided.
Why?
I am sick of crying over this boy.
Like SICK OF IT!!
He isn't worth it anymore.
He never was worth it.
How depressing..
Whatever.

Tonight is round 2 of keepin' it classy :)
But it's going to be better.
No dumb roommates and their bull shit.
The last time I hung out with these friends was a fabulous time!
It is only going to be even better!
Hello footie pajamas :)
Keepin' it classy y'all!

Now I need to finish baking round 3 of cookies.
After this I will have made over 8 dozen cookies...
And will probably only have maybe a dozen left.
They are THAT good :)
Like orgasm in my mouth good haha.

Can't wait to make a shit ton for the poly boys :)
Oh shit shhhh don't tell them haha.

3 days!!
EEEP!!
So excited to get the hell out of here.

Okay now to finish cookies....
Finish people's xmas gifts...
And to get dressed...
Shittttt!

Keep it classy tonight y'all!!
:)


P.S. If you haven't already, go check out my other blog! :)

This boy...

So I'm going to be honest...
Today.. well tonight started out AMAZING!
And then people went all dramatic..
Okay my roommates did.
And I didn't drink enough...

And then I had a mental breakdown.
Like almost a bad one,
ALMOST!

So I started with calling said boy to harass him.
And that didn't last long.
I forgot how quickly the cold sobers you up..
:(
I got in that bad state.
Like really bad state.

And thank god I was on the phone with boy.
Cause I broke down.
Badly.
Like sitting on the stairs looking like a drunkin' fool.
It was embarrassing.
But then a guy..
A very nice guy indeed..
Came up the stairs and offered me a drink.
It made me smile.
But the fact that he could hear me down stairs was a little awkward.
But the fact that he came up just made me feel better.
Well for a few.
It was really sweet.
It made me feel like I wasn't completely worthless.
Thank you completely random stranger.
Thank you.

And thank you boy.
There are not enough words to describe how thankful I am for you.
Talking to you tonight made me want to live.
To attempt to make something of this shit of life I live...
Somewhere, Somehow, I'll find a way...
I'll find the want to live.
The want to be happy.
The want to make something of myself.
The want to be better.
And then rub it in his face.
One day...

I hope...

It is going to take time.
A longgggg time.
3 months is apparently not even close to enough time.
But hopefully with this boy I'll find my way.
I hope...
At least make it though this rough time.

Have I mentioned how grateful I am for him?
He is my best friend right now.
The one and only person I can trust.
Which surprises myself...
But I am so thankful for it.
It is the only reason I am alive right now.

The end of tonight sucked.
The end.

Olive Garden!!

TGIF!!

Thank god I'm FABULOUS!! :)

It is only 9 pm...

And I have already laughed soooo much that I feel sick from it.

Or it is from the 24 bread sticks from Olive Garden!

Okay clarification... we only ate 15...

But there are 9 more in the fridge haha.

Anddd WE HAD THE HOTTEST WAITERS EVER!!

Both of them :)

Oh lordy the convos from dinner tonight.

5 girls + 2 hot guys + yummy food = epic win :)

Best time ever!!

And now it's baking and crafting time...

And Fast and Furious marathon.

One, two, four and five haha.

We decided Tokyo Drift wasn't fit :P

It's going to be a good night :)

Happy Friday Y'all!

Mud Lovin' Rednecks

Oh lordy...
BEST SHOW EVER!
Haha redneck tonight, hell ya!
<3 me some hillbillies

Haha
Yes today is going a lot better than yesterday.
Why?

I'M DONE WITH CLASSES BABY!!
:)
And I am pretty sure I am queen of bull shitting assignments.
And I am going to ace my accounting exam.
Yes feeling good.

Well now that it is 11:30 at night...
(I have been watching tv for 4 hours)
I AM GOING TO FUCKING CRAFT!!
:)

Yes, crafting while enjoying this entertaining show haha.
This will be fun.
I am going to brainstorm ideas for a gift for this boy...
Apparently said boy found something PERFECT for me...
I am very much interested to see what it is...
A little scared.
But I like surprises.
Very much so :)

And thus resulted in him flipping a coin...
On whether or not I need to find him a PERFECT gift too.
SHITTTTTTTTTTTT :P

*Brainstorming...*
Any ideas?
I need something GOOD!
Like not just friend gift good...
Like best friend gift.
Like kid that calls me at 2 am and sits on the phone with me for 2 hours.
And has the most random convos with me.
And very dirty ones too.

Yes I need something good...
Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.
:)

Well Shitttttttttt

Tonight DID NOT go as I planned.
I figured I'd knock my photography assignment out quickly.
And then get to play with my hermit crabs.
And relax.
And go to bed at a decent hour.
Well fuck that shit...

I should have known better.
I have been so strong for so long, it was about time for a mental break down.
I figured it would come Sunday right before my finals.
Nope.
Tonight.
While I was trying to take photos in my make-shift bed/studio.
(Which was pretty bad ass I just have to say)

My camera wasn't working right.
And then the lighting was all wrong.
My pictures were looking like total shit.
I was running out of good ideas.
It was almost midnight.
I am exhausted.
And lonely.
And apparently very stressed.

And my emotions got the best of me.
I broke down.
Hard.
Worse than 3 months ago when I got dumped on my face.
I was home alone too.
Which only made it worse.
I had a complete mental breakdown.
Collapsed on the floor kind.
Trying to find reasons to live kind.
It was bad.

I am disappointed in myself.
I was doing so well.
I hadn't in almost 6 months.
I thought I was strong.
But shit hit the fan..and well shit happens.
It sucks.
It sucks even more knowing that the one person I wanted, wants nothing to do with me.
I think that's what hurt the most.
Made it so god damn bad.
I couldn't just pick up the phone and call.
Or text.
He wouldn't answer.
He doesn't care.
That hurts.
Two years and I am just thrown away like a piece of trash.
I hate the line "I still want to be friends"
It is nothing but a bunch of bullshit!
If it was true, he would answer my questions about my truck.
He would answer my texts.
He would want to hang out with me.
He would care.
But he doesn't.
I don't mean anything to him...
There are not enough words to describe that kind of pain.
I say I am over him.
That I am better off without him.
That I don't need him.
But honestly,
It's all a lie.
And it sucks.
I think if I just keep saying it, it will eventually be the truth.
But I know it won't.
It just going to take a lot of time.
A lot.
More than 3 months.
It's hard to recover after losing everything.
Your first love.
Your money.
Your life plans.
Your best friend.
Your life.

I honestly don't know what to do with myself sometimes.

One day everything will be better.
That's all I can hope for.
Just taking everything one day at a time...


On another note...
I hate product shots.
I'm going to put mine from tonight on here.
Please don't judge.
Some I am proud of.
Others make me want to cry.

Overall, not exactly my best work.
But I'm not a studio person.
I love nature.
And the ocean.
I can't wait for spring break.
Scuba diving.
And taking pictures.
Heaven.

Don't judge.

That's all 11... suppose to have 15.
I'm telling my teacher to go fuck himself.
So over him as a professor.
Professor my ass.
I haven't learned anything in the 3 semesters I've now had him.
Just a waste of time.
It's dumb.
Makes me almost hate taking pictures.
Almost.

And if you are still reading this...
Thank you.
For putting up with my rambling.
And venting.
And retarded photos.
I swear I'll talk about something better tomorrow.
More upbeat :)
But for now I need to get some sleep.
So I can get better.
Not be so exhausted and stressed.
Tomorrow will be better :)

Baking>Homework

Yes my priorities are VERY backwards haha.
Once again... Up till 4:30 am... damn boy...
But I can't be mad about it, because it was soooo worth it!
There is nothing that beats going to bed smiling :)
And then waking up smiling :)
I haven't laughed this much in a longggggggggggggggggggggg ass time!!
:D

And now I am baking.
Yes I have 14 photographs due tomorrow.
No I haven't started.
No I am not going to start now haha.
I'M BAKING!!
:)

What am I baking you ask?






















It involves these items...
But that is all I am saying.
Because a certain someone likes to creep on me here.
And these turned out AMAZING!
So I will be making for him :)
But shhh don't tell him haha.

Now to go clean the kitchen...
EWWWWWWW!

And then I'm going to go play with my hermit crabs :)
Have a fabulous Wednesday evening!

Minor Details...

4 fucking am again...

Thanks a lot kid!

Oh wait.. this time may have actually been me :P

2 hour phone call was sooo worth it!!

There are not enough words to describe how epic of a conversation it was.

I was basically in tears from laughing so hard.

It made my night a billion times better.

I am very thankful for this boy in my life :)

Unfortunately due to the fact that I've gone to bed at 4 at the earliest in the past 5 days...

My body gave up on me this morning.

I didn't make it to class.

I woke up at 8 with a headache and everything hurting.

So I slept till 11.

My elbow still hurts.

And I still feel hungover.. weird.

Tonight I will sleep, I swear!!

Well maybe.. haha

So Sleepy

This whole not going to bed till the wee hours of the morning needs to stop..
4 am again...
Thanks boy :P

I wish that it was winter break already.
I'm ready to go hang out with all my poly friends.
And get the hell out of here!!
I am sooooo fed up with the bullshit.
It's just ridiculous...
I'm ready to just sleep and be around people who actually want to hang out with me.

Unlike some bitches..
So tonight was my sorority's secret santa thing.
We had a $10 max.
And if you wanted to participate you put your name in and got someone else's name.
SO WHY THE FUCK DID I NOT GET A GIFT.
I don't even have words for it.
I mean really.
Yes I gathered that people weren't there, but don't give me some random bitch's gift.
I want the gift that was suppose to be for me.
I am not a selfish person.
I would rather give than receive something.
But I got screwed over last year with my gift.
It would just be nice to feel special for once.
For someone to care about me for once.
To get the same thing in return.
I am sick of getting screwed with everything.
I am sick of always giving and never ever ever receiving something.
Or even a thank you.
To be appreciated.
It just sucks.
I am too tired to feel this uncared about.
I am too stressed to feel this way.
I just want to be treated the way I deserve.
Or is this what I deserve?
Am I really that horrible of a person?
I didn't think I was...
But I guess I don't deserve anything.
I never have and I guess I never will.

I am just done.
I don't even feel like talking.
I just want to curl up in a ball and cry.
I feel like total shit.
I'm done.

Turtle Turtle Turtle

TURTLE PILLOW PET!!

Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!

Last night was activation... at midnight.
It was definitely 9 degrees out and they wanted me to wear a dress and heels...
With ice!!
Oh hell no!
Haha so I wore sweat pants and boots with my dress :P

I keep it classy!
And so does my little, with her awesome blanket haha

Oh my little...
I love her soooo much!
She is absolutely adorable and hilarious.
And she got me the turtle pillow pet.
Can she get any better?
Oh ya, she is having a fast and furious marathon with me next weekend.
Yep! I win... I picked the perfect little :)

And congrats to all the new ΩΦΑ actives!!
I am sooo excited for next year and what they will add to our service sorority!


I love how great of a mood I am in :)
Why?
Oh I dunno...
Oh wait yes I do...
I woke up to a picture of an ass on my phone hahahaha
Oh wait... let me clarify... a donkey haha
Best wake up text ever!!
I knew I was friends with this kid for a reason :)


Now to be productive with the rest of the day.
Ha who am I kidding, I won't get anything done.
Even though I really need to...
How the crap am I going to pull 14 photographs out my ass for class...?!
Oops... 
Maybe I should have actually gone to class
Nawwwwwwwwwwwww haha


But really, I actually have things I NEED to do!!
Focus time... GO! 

Busy Bee

I have been fairly productive the past 2 days compared to the whole week haha

It makes me happy :)

I've accomplished a lot.

It's awesome!

This has been the weather since Thursday...

I was drinking my coffee this morning at noon today and that was what was outside my window.

There is suppose to be a building in this picture.

That is how bad the snow got.

And I am sure it is longgggg from over!

However at the moment the sky is fairly clear for the first time in 3 days!

(Not going to jinx it!!!)

So due to the shitty lovely weather, I have been crafting :)

Well mostly making cool stuff on my computer.

I actually cleaned my room and didn't feel like pulling everything out again haha.

It started with this!

Another blog? Yes.

Why? Cause I can.

Well no, actually it is because I will be starting an awesome adventure come 2012.

Thus this was created! :)

Go check it out, I give you permission to creep on me some more :P

So then I thought to myself...

What will I write about since it is a month from 2012 still...

The answer?

I decided I wanted to make my own pretty printout :)

So that is what is going on over here!

And then my creativity didn't stop there!!

I got my laptop, some paper and a really awesome frame from Michael's...

And can you guess what I made?

These!! How adorable right :)

The one on the left is a weekly meal planner.

This will hopefully help me eat healthier...

Ha we will see :)

The one on the right is a weekly blog planner.

I am absolutely IN LOVE with how it turned out!

I love how organized I will hopefully be haha.

It's cool because they are in a frame.

Which means each week I can write on them and then erase and reuse! 

And I made them myself.

Which makes them even better :)

I still have 1 more of those frames that I bought at Michael's...

I'm trying to decide what I want to do with it...

I've got a couple ideas.

So stay tuned.

Although it will probably be a good month until I do something with it haha.

Random but...

Last night I was in bad mood haha.

And I mentioned I got awesome footie pajamas.

However I couldn't find the photo of them.

And like magic I found it this afternoon haha.

So enjoy!

Yes, the feet are penguins :)

Be jealous!

Enjoy the rest of your evening!

I have to go dig out my truck which is buried in probably 4 or 5 inches of snow.

And then drive, hoping for no ice...

Wish me luck! :)

Some nights...

Suck!!
Like tonight...
Well I guess that isn't true.
It started off great.
And well now, its 4 am and it SUCKS!
I probably should go to bed...
But I am far from tired.
I'm more like eh :/
And I'm wearing footie pajamas...
Fabulous.
And my best friend just fell asleep on me.
Even better.
I'm going to go find a mindless activity unless I pass out.

Oops...

Did not mean to go the whole week without a new post...
It has been a busy week.. well not really
It's been a lazy week haha

It has been a pretty laid back week.
Wrapping everything up with classes.
But IT SNOWED TODAY!!
I was not happy when I had to walk to class in it haha.
You would think I would be use to it by now...
But no.

We were suppose to get a HUGE storm today...
It never came.
But snow is predicted from now till Tuesday...
Oh damn!! :)
I won't mind classes being cancelled!

For now...
More crafting and Pinterest!! :)

Holy Baby Jesus!!

This weekend was REDONKULOUS!!
Did I sleep much... Hell no.
I'm so exhausted and I still don't have time to sleep yet.
It was go go go from Thursday to Sunday.
I am ready for another break haha.

It is now time to buckle down and try to save some of my grades haha.

1 week of regular classes...
1 week of "studying" in said classes...
2 finals...
PARTY TIME!!

Words cannot describe how excited I am for winter break.
The plan is to be at poly as much as possible!! haha
It's going to be epic either way.

Now to do something productive.. haha

Home!

There are not enough words to describe how excited I am to be home for Thanksgiving break.
I reallyyyyyyyyyy needed to get away from Flagstaff and all the crap up there.
But OMG I forgot how boring it is here haha.
I've been home for 6+ hours...
And all I've done is eat dinner, get ice cream and watch tv for 3 hours...
It's dumb!

I've also realized I can't go to bed before midnight unless I am extremely exhausted, but even then I have a hard time doing it.
I need help.
Well I need a lot of things, but whatever.

It is going to be a crazy next 5 days...
Well except for tomorrow, its going to be a little low key.
Just some returns, maybe shopping and date night with my little sister!
Thursday is turkey turkey and more turkey.
2 flippin' meals back-to-back.
Friday is setting up for the super awesome festival.
And then ASU game!
Saturday is the Festival of Lights Kick-Off Party.
Which is basically like a mini carnival event to start the turning on of over a million Christmas lights.
Which means that I will be a very very very busy bee all day.
From like 9 am to midnight... Nonstop!!
But it's totally worth it.
I always have a good time.
Plus I get to boss dumb high schoolers around.
Could it get any better? Haha

So exhausted.

I'm starting to get depressed I am that exhausted!

I was in a good mood, but my roommates are pretty much ignoring me for whatever reason.
I didn't know I was back in high school dealing with petty drama.
It's just stupid...

But I'm not going to think about that.
I'm just going to try to keep thinking about this past weekend to get me through the next 24 hours till Turkey break.
OMG I <3 my poly boys...
Shit it was a good weekend haha.

Saturday was the ASU/UofA football game...
I definitely drove down right before the game.
Gotta rep ASU baby!
Even though we lost, it was a good game.
After the game I drove all the way out to the middle of no where... well almost...
ASU Polytec is pretty far out there, and there really isn't much around.
Except some of the most amazing people ever :)
I am soooo glad I made the decision to go down this weekend.
It was absolutely needed.
I almost didn't come back to Flag today for my exams it was that good.
Even though I didn't sleep at all, it was still fun.
Although 2 days of staying up till 6 am is very rough haha.
I have zero regrets about it.
I can't wait to do it again :)

Knowing that there are actually decent people who want my company is nice.
Unlike the bitches I apparently live with...
I am seriously debating on transfering to poly haha.
Oh that would be trouble...

Can't wait :)

I need to go pack so I can leave on time tomorrow afternoon and get the hell out of here!

My Life...

Can be really frustrating sometimes...
You pick girlfriends over guys and then you get screwed over and alone on a Friday night...
I can't win.
Whatever.
I'll just clean haha.

Last night was good though.
Pancakes at 2 am haha.

Yesterday I bought these...

(Ugh why is it sideways :/)

And I made these cuties!! :)

I feel accomplished for the weekend haha
And it's not even Saturday.
More crafting and things to come possibly...
Depends how I feel haha.

I hope everyone has a safe and fabulous weekend.
I know I hope to! :)

Classes? What Are Those??

Definitely did not go to classes again today...
This is becoming a BIG problem.
I have officially checked out for winter break!
I need to check back in...
I still have finals!!
EEP!!!!

But that's another day's problem haha.

Today was a fun day!
I think everyone needs those.
I hung out with my best friends for hours today.
I really needed some good laughs :)

We went to Michael's... the Dollar Tree... and Barnes and Nobles....
Just a badddddddddddd mix! haha
I may or may not have spent $50 on books...
But they are epic books!

The BIG-ASS Book of Crafts! 

Hell ya!! :)
And Wreck This Journal and This Is Not A Book :)

Sooo many great ideas for crafts... This is going to get dangerous haha.
And wait for the new year for This Is Not A Book.
Can you say awesome adventures are going to happen!!
And I haven't decided about Wreck This Journal...
I'm not sure if I want to start it now or at the new year...
Decisions decisions decisions...
Eh I'll figure it out another day haha.

It's crafting time!!
I'll give you a little hint...

It involves these.
It isn't done yet.
But once it is, it will be epic!

Can't wait for this weekend :)

Wow...
I am completely speechless right now.
Just when I thought I've seen it all, this happens.
Stupid dumb fuck.

So I have been on my last nerve with one my roommates for a good month or so now.
And last Wednesday she pushed one of my last buttons, but I was able to let it go and hope things would get better.
Well I come home tonight to find a plastic plate in the trash.
Not a paper plate or even her plate, but an actual plastic plate!!
That was the last straw.
I lost it!!
I actually had to call my mom and talk to her to be able to calm down enough not to do anything stupid.
Now I do over react quite often..
But I was more pissed off than I was with my ex.
And that says a lot!
I mean who in the right mind throws away a plate.
It's fucking crazy.
She is just soooo retarded and only cares about herself.
I am so over her and wanting to live next to her.
I finally had it tonight and went to talk to the RA.
We are doing our roommate agreement and hopefully things will get better.
Otherwise that bitch will be moving out.
I've had it!

So of course because I slept for 15 hours today
And didn't go to class
I was far from tired and extremely upset.
So I cleaned.
And cleaned.
And cleaned...
Our whole apartment is now spotless.
I mean kitchen and bathroom completely scrubbed clean.
I feel accomplished.
I am glad that I can turn my emotions into cleaning...
Now if only I could do that with homework haha.

But now after 3 hours of nonstop cleaning, I'm exhausted.
And need to go to class.
I guess we have a guest speaker and need to go.
I'm saying I'm going to go, but I'm not making any promises.
I have no motivation to go to this class.
My teacher is a total joke and also greatly annoys me.
It's a big problem.

I'm so over school.
I just want to sleep.
Which I'm going to go do now.

IACURH 2011 :)

OMG!
IACURH 2011...
Best weekend ever!!

8 hours of sleep over 5 days
hahahaha
NBD...
Soo worth it.

Words cannot explain how amazing it was.
I met some of the coolest people ever!

I'll talk more about it when I am fully functioning haha.

I NEED SLEEP!!

Hit My Breaking Point...

Well ladies and gentlemen I finally hit my breaking point last night.
2 months in the making...
And I still haven't recovered.
It just never ends.
It's just stress, stress, stress.
I need to learn to control it better.
I use to be able to.
It sucks breaking down from stress.
It is by far one of the worst feelings ever.
I'm just sooo grateful for my mom.
She talked to me for an hour last night.
I was able to breath a little afterwards.
I am just over everything.
I just want to sleep.
But that won't be happening for at least another week.
Which makes me want to cry...

On a somewhat brighter note-
I am going shoe shopping later today.
You can never have too many shoes.
I just hope I can find a pair of boots that I desperately need.
It snowed allllll day yesterday.
Now it is slushy shit.
Waterproof boots are a must.
Crossing my fingers I can find some today.
I realllyyyyyyyyyyyyy want NEED them.

I should go to class.
Learning is good.
It distracts me from all the other problems.

And it is sunny out today.
That kinda makes me smile.
I need something bright and cheery.

Here's to hopefully a not so stressful day!

So tired...

This weekend was great. I really needed to get away from Flagstaff and studying and drama.
But it kicked my ass haha.

THIS IS WHAT I DID FRIDAY!

I forgot how tiring the state fair can be haha.
We didn't get home till maybe midnight.
We unfortunately didn't ride many rides, they hurt too much. It was weird. It also rained.
However, I got to play some free games thanks to some very good looking guys :)
Sometimes you just need nights like that where you feel like you are on top of the world.

Saturday was off to my grandma's.
I made some really awesome letters, I don't have any pictures, but I will soon!
And don't go see The Rum Diary... really nothing special.

I definitely ate like a fat kid allllll weekend!
It was great.

And then my grandma said I look great and asked how much weight I've lost...
I didn't really think I looked different, especially after eating sooo much this weekend.
But I guess to her I did. And that was enough to put a HUGE smile on my face.
It doesn't matter who, but whenever someone calls you beautiful, it really makes you feel like a million bucks.
Words can't describe how it makes me feel :)

I also learned this weekend that I am a lot stronger than I thought I was.
It is still surprising me...
I thought that knowing he found someone else would kill me, but it is really just silly to feel that way.
I mean he really wasn't the one. No one liked him. He was is selfish. He is going downhill fast.
And he can't pull me down anymore!
I think I can finally really say I am in a better place without him.
It's sad that he is going no where and doesn't care for my help anymore.
But that is his problem. When he is in jail or kicked out of his house and comes crawling back, I am just going to laugh in his face and walk away.
I don't hate him, I do still care about him as a friend and I hope that doesn't happen to him.
But I am not going to try to help him or try to be friends when he no longer cares about me at all.
I wish him the best.


No more talk about him or thinking about it.
It's over. I'm done.

HAPPY THOUGHTS! :)
And bed haha. This weekend was exhausting, but soooo worth it :)

Now 3 days of school and off to Wyoming for 4 days for IACURH 2011!!

Let's do this! :)

Hello Weekend!

Sooooo glad it is FINALLY the weekend!!
I have been looking forward to this in forever :)

Tomorrow Today:
-Get truck looked at
-Dr. appt for retarded arm
-ARIZONA STATE FAIR :)

Saturday & Sunday:
-Grandma's house! :)

Yes it is going to be a good weekend!
& no homework to worry about either :)

Have a fabulous weekend y'all :D

x2!

Post 2 of the day... WHATTTT!

Day just got a hell of a lot better! Well it's technically night now but whatever!

I need to keep thinking that the reason he is an ex is because he is an EXample of what not to date and that there is a reason things didn't work out. It is for the best. Plus now I can live life and have some fun! :)

But anyways....
I went on a complete country music binge tonight. Like $30 worth country binge... oops!
IT'S SOOOO WORTH IT THOUGH!!
God how I love country and the mood it puts me in :)
And then putting on a pretty dress I just bought with my boots... OMG I felt awesome :)
However, cleaning... that didn't happen haha.
All I could keep thinking about is the AZ State Fair Friday and Country Thunder in April!!! :)
Gahhhh it is going to be country boy heaven! :) Maybe find me a real man ;) Or just have a fabulous time! Either way I CAN'T WAIT TILL APRIL! :)


Alright enough with the caps and exclamation points... I need to calm down so I can go to bed soon haha.

Hope you had a happy hump day! :)
Time to conquer Thursday!

Eh...

Well I found out some not so happy stuff... but I quickly realized that it really didn't hurt so much as I thought it would and then I came to the conclusion that I was okay with it as long as we were friends.. we will see how long that goes. Guys are just dicks. The end!

But either way today has just been a debbi downer kind of day. It really sucks. I've had 2 cups of coffee and I still feel dead. Blahhhh... I really really really hate days like today. And it is super windy out and that blows! Ha I made a funny.

Thank god I am going to go hang out with some really fun people in an hour and that will hopefully bring my spirits up. Also thinking about this weekend is kinda helping. I just want this week to be over. Its been too crazy. I just want to be lazy for 1 day, just 1 that's all.You'd think as a college student I would have lots of time to be lazy and sleep all day. But no... I'm busier than a bee. Okay that was a tacky saying haha.

I need to go clean this mess of a room I've been living in. I've been needing to clean it for like 2 weeks now but I've been so busy I never completely accomplished that, oops! It is going to happen today, orrr maybe tomorrow. But definitely before Friday since I am going home and I hate leaving with this big of a mess. And I feel like crafting, but all my crafting stuff is buried in the corner. AHH I'm going to cry, I think that is a sin to cover crafting stuff haha. Ya I might have some issues...

CLEANING BEGIN!

Hope you have a better Hump Day than I have been having!

HALLOWEEN!!!

Happy Halloween All!! :)

How are you spending this evening? Trick or treating? Partying? Haunted houses? Studying?
I'm definitely doing the later of them haha. The joys of being a college student.
However I did go to Taylor Haunted House tonight, unfortunately I don't get scared easily and kinda laughed the whole time haha. Sorry guys! :) But it was still awesome. It's fun cause I know people who are acting in it. One of the perks of being super involved on campus... You know A TON of people! :)

And once again for some reason I am in a really good mood. I don't quite know why either...
It might be cause I am super excited for this weekend, orrrr cause I have finally realized that time really does heal all and I can officially say I am happy with my life and that he is not a big part of it at the moment. However, I do hope he won't be completely absent from it because he is a good friend, and maybe one day he will grow up, but probably not and friends is the way it will be. And he can fix my truck for free hahahaha.
I take advantage of people sometimes... I can't help it I'm so awesome :)
Okay that was a little selfish but whatever! Having real people in my life that tell me the truth and really show that they care about me and want me around makes life sooooooo much better and makes me want every day to absolutely amazing and to live it to the fullest!

That was a lot of ands....

I could rant on for awhile about how great I feel and how blessed I am for amazing people in my life, but I seriously have accounting homework I NEED to do haha. And seeing that it is after 11 pm here, I need to get started. I am sure one day I will rant on foreverrrrr about that, but no more tonight. I need to focus... :)

Have a great night world!! :)