I mean I didn't sleep much.
But that doesn't mean it hasn't been a great day!
Yummy SmashBurger for lunch.
And it was free :)
And sooooooooooo good!!
Then I dropped my best friend off at work.
And went and saw my ex's mom...
Still not sure if it was the best idea...
I guess him and his slutty high school girl friend broke up.
Well according to his mom.
I'll believe it when I see it for myself.
It appears they still are.
But who knows.
It was really nice seeing her again.
And her youngest two.
They are adorable.
But it really got me thinking about him again...
Not really my cup of tea...
It now has me all confused...
I know its over.
I am okay with it being over.
But you lose confidence when you lose someone like that.
It is hard to gain that back.
It is hard to let yourself fall for someone else.
And for that I am sorry.
I am so dearly sorry.
I can't ...
Damn it...
So fucking confused scared...
I don't know how to let go.
How to let myself begin to fall for someone.
How to let someone else in.
How to go back to that place...
It is scary...
I wish there was a guide to this.
But there isn't...
It sucks.
Very much so.
ugh.
:'(
I am so sorry.
Maybe in another month I can do this.
Maybe then I can let you in.
Let myself fall for you.
But not now.
It makes me depressed...
I feel horrible.
I hate myself right now.
I hate how confused I am.
I hate how confused I am.
How scared I am.
How I don't know what way is up.
How I still, after 3 months, can't completely let go of the past.
I hate it.
I am very glad I am not alone tonight.
I am scared.
I have too many thoughts going through my mind...
Too many.
It's bad.
As much as I hate myself tonight...
I am glad this boy is here.
I am glad I can curl up in his arms and feel safe and okay for a little.
I am glad I think I have finally found the courage to tell someone about my past.
I never thought I would find the day.
It is reassuring.
One day, everything will be okay.
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