...

Also...
I'm sorry I'm not perfect.

Hell I am far from perfect.
My hair is always a mess.
My makeup is never really done.
I wear tshirts and sweats 90% of the time.
But if someone out there doesnt care.
And sees me for me.
Then please come find me.
Because I guess I just live in some fantasy.
A fantasy of finding this amazing guy who likes me for me.
Who actually wants to be with me.
I dont know...

I guess I am sick of fairy tales...
I guess I am just really sick of reality.......
Fuck.


I hate being so bipolar sometimes.
I wish I could turn off the bad.
Make it disappear.
I am ruining this boys night.
I'm sorry.
I'm the worst.
I guess I can understand why he might not like me.
I don't even deserve dirt.
Sometimes I don't think I deserve to live.

I hate reality.
I hate being bipolar.
I hate depression.
I hate alcohol.
I hate the problems it has caused for my family.


I just want to learn to love again.
I just want to be loved again.
I just want life to be simple for once...


Is that too much to ask?

I guess it is for me.

Life has never been anything but easy.

I just want to make people proud.
I just want people to be proud to know me.
To be apart of my life.
I just want people to want to spend time with me.
To want to be with me.
To just be my friend.
To not judge.
Like me for me..
Is that too much to ask?

I guess so...
I guess a happy life is too.
Maybe one day.

I am sorry love if you are reading this.
I am so sorry.
I'm sorry i got you involved in my life.
And all my issues.
You don't deserve it.
You deserve happiness.
Not problems.
I'm sorry.

I should just curl up and disappear.
Pretend I never messed up your life.
I am nothing.

And it doesn't matter what you say...
That is how I see myself.
I don't know if it will ever change.


Thank you for everything.
But I'm sorry.
I am sorry I am not this strong girl you think I am.
I'm sorry I can't ignore the bad thoughts.
I tried.
I'm sorry.

I am so sorry love.