Make you laugh when you don't want to...
Smile like a total moron as you go to sleep?
That would be this boy.
It is amazing.
Absolutely incredible.
I can't believe this is happening...
I'm happy.
Like honestly truely happy.
It is really surprising.
I mean regardless that it is almost 3 am...
And I am about to pass out...
I am honestly happy.
This boy...
Oh god this boy...
He might not realize it,
But he has completely turned my life around.
I mean fuck...
I still don't know what I want to do with my life.
But knowing I have amazing friends 130 miles away,
Makes everything a
It's not the same as having them here with me.
But with a short 3 hour drive I can see them.
And I know they are always excited to see them.
And this boy...
God damn.
It is seriously incredible how a simple 30 minute skype date can make me feel.
Yes, we have absolutely dirty conversations.
And some things should never be repeated.
But he makes me feel alive.
He doesn't judge my weirdness.
Or just me being me.
He is just as goofy as me.
And I love it.
I love how similar we are.
Yet completely different.
And I absolutely love how much of a gentleman he is.
Oh my god it's amazing.
I don't know what kind of world I was living in before.
But damnnnnnnnnnnnn.
Just the way he treats me.
It's just simply amazing.
Sometimes I don't think I deserve it.
But he always says I do.
He is always there for me.
Damn him...
He scares me.
Not in a bad way.
I guess I am just not ready.
But I am.
But I'm not.
It's hard.
I wish somethings were different.
But tonight I realized I don't.
I started talking about him.
The age difference mostly...
But I just realized when I was talking about him,
I had a grin on my face.
The age doesn't matter.
The happiness does.
The money doesn't matter either.
I mean it would be nice, but not completely a deal breaker.
He is a college student.
Which means he is smart.
And eventually going to have money.
And damn it...
I'm smiling again.
And fuuuuccckkkkk.
I wish he had his own vehicle.
So he could come up here.
That would be nice.
It's hard when I go there.
I never want to leave.
It's bad.
Eventually I am not going to leave.
For real.
It won't be good.
I will probably break down.
And then not leave.
That is not good.
Well at least not for another year.
I need to finish school.
But being with him makes life seem bearable.
Which I didn't think I would feel again.
It's just amazing.
And I try not to take advantage of it.
But it's like God finally is on my side.
Maybe this was his plan all along.
Kinda shitty, but worth it I suppose.
I guess only time will tell...
For now I am going to bed.
I need to wake up in like 5 hours...
Ugh that will be fun.
Not.
At least it means he will be awake and I can talk to him again.
That always makes everything better.
Another day.
Another problem.
Another smile.
Another laugh.
Another chance at life.
:)
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