I miss my best friend...

Once again...
Damn this boy.
I really hate him.
(Not really)
I don't think I could ever hate him.
He is seriously the most amazing guy ever.
I've realized I am slowly falling for him.
It seriously scares me.
It also makes me smile.
Like a huge ass grin.

Ugh.

Only me...

I absolutely love how he is okay with me.
And all my problems.
And how none of it matters.
It never has.
And I don't think they ever will.
It's amazing.
He is amazing.

I really never thought I would meet such a gentleman.
And a smart one.
And a funny one.
And a baby...
Oh geez.
Maybe that is what is holding me back...
Well no.
I know it's not.
It was.
But it's whatever.
I guess it kinda has to do with him not having a vehicle.
I can't do that to myself again.
I can't.
I can't put myself through all that.
The driving.
The one always doing everything.
I guess that is kind of what is holding me back.
I can't deal with that stress.
Or the stress of anything more with friends.
Well I guess it's kinda more than friends.
Sorta...
I don't know what you would call it.
Grr.
I just know it has my mind spinning in circles.
Butterflies all in my tummy.
And a huge stupid grin on my face every time I get a text from him.
It sucks.
Okay not really.
I want it to.
I want to hate it.
But how could you hate someone as amazing as that.
Someone that completely understands.
That doesn't need me to even speak to know something is wrong.
It's crazy.
It's scary.
But it's nice.

Damn this boy....

And damn that fact that I am still losing sleep over him...
Well not in a bad way I guess.
We just still stay up way to late.
But I don't think I would change anything about it.
Just that little extra time makes all the difference.

Like this morning...
I was suppose to leave at 5.
I was still way too tired.
But I still needed to go back to Fagstaff.
But something told me to stay.
Stay for just a few more hours.
3 to be exact.
It was all I needed.
3 solid hours of being out cold.
Sleeping next to him.
Not even having to be in him arms.
Just touching his leg.
The warmth of his body.
It was all I needed to know I was going to be okay.
And to make the drive back.
I felt a million times better.
I mean I still didn't want to leave.
But I knew it would be okay.
I still wish I didn't have to.
That I could curl up in that big bed of his.
Curl up in his arms.
Feel his super hot body against mine.
Warming up my freezing cold legs and feet.
It always seems to make all my problems go away.
It's like a mini paradise.
A break from reality.
And leaving sucks.
I haven't broke down about it yet.
I am scared to.
I don't want it to go that far.
I don't want to push him away.
Scare him off.
This boy is probably the best thing that has happened to me in years.
And I don't want to lose him.

He is honestly my best friend.
I feel like I've known him for years...
Yet it has only been maybe 2 months.
It's crazy.
But absolutely amazing.

Thank you boy :)

And now I need to sleep.
I also can't type anymore.
My stupid wrist and elbow are killing me.
I guess I've said enough.
It's bed time :)