MIA

Yes.
I know it has been about 2 weeks.
I know y'all are curious.
I know y'all are having with drawls of me.
I know a shit ton has happened since I last posted.
I know I will probably not remember it all to post now.

So here goes....


First of all...
My computer didn't have enough internal memory to edit this one photo.
So I gave my dad my computer.
And I just now have it all squared away.
Damn super large photos.
Just hot damn.

So that is really the main reason I have been MIA.

Also...
Poly.
Damnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn.

That is all I have to say.
That is where I have been the past 2 weeks.

The day after new years I picked up this boy from the airport.
And then we had dinner with my family.
WHICH HE WASHED ALL THE DISHES AFTERWARDS!
Damn could he be anymore of a gentleman.
It was nice :)
Then to poly we went...
Whereeeeeeeeeeeeeeee I stayed for 4 days straight...
I came home once.
For 30 minutes to grab clean clothes haha.
It was FUCKING AMAZING!
I really did not want to go home.
But they had to start classes...
Poo.
And my mom almost had a bitch fit over it.
Fucking stupid.
So I went home for about 2 days and went back.
It is never a boring time there.
Never!
And I love it.
Like last night.
And tomorrow night.
Always giggles.
Except tonight.
Tonight they are on a road trip to Cali.
Without me :(
Sad day.
Although originally I couldn't go.
But still.
It sucks.
I wanted to be there with this boy watch the sun rise over the water.
Just thinking about it makes me smile.
Sounds amazing.
Relaxing.
What I need right now.
And a hug from my best friend...

Ya know when you get in those moods...
Where all you want is a big ass hug and to not be alone.
Well today was one of those days.
And nothing has made it go away.
It scares me.
Weird I know.

Well I should clarify...
I am scared cause of this boy...

It's not the boy I am scared of.
He is absolutely amazing.
Super sweet.
Always a gentleman.
Always caring.
Always there for me.
Always complimenting me even when I don't want to hear it.
Pretty sure my parents love him too.
(He just needs a vehicle)
Just hearing his voice is comforting.
And that scares me.
To think I might me falling.
When I don't want to.
I mean its not a matter of not wanting to.
It's a matter of being too scared to.
I don't know how much more of me I have to give.
And potentially get thrown back in my face.
Or get torn to pieces.
I just don't think I could keep doing that.
So it scares me to feel this way.

I just don't know.

I guess only time will tell.

I mean he is basically my best friend.
He is the only person who knows my whole life.
What I've been through.
How I feel.
It just seems right in so many ways.
There are no awkward moments.
It just works.
It is nice.
It is refreshing.
That someone doesn't just "like" me for sex.
And as time passes, the whole age thing is starting to become unimportant.
I know I said I wouldn't date younger again.
And I know I'm not ready for an exclusive relationship.
But still...
I don't think there are words to describe how much of a gentleman he is.
Not just a hold the door open kind.
But total sweetheart.
Pay for my food no matter what.
Make sure I am okay and good at all times.
Just a real gentleman.
It is a good change.
It is a change I do deserve.
I was raised to deserve this.
It just feels so right.

But deep inside something is telling me to take a step back.
And every time I do...
It never seems good afterwards.
I just see things in a bad way.
I start to think about my ex.
It makes me angry.

And I am now getting sleepy.
I will continue to update maybe tomorrow.
I have to pack EVERYTHING tomorrow.
I don't want to go back to school.
Blah.